Becoming the best version of ourselvesmakes for the most fulfilling connections with others.
Many couples find couple counselling frustrating and fruitless. And there’s an obvious reason why.
Simply put, bringing two “broken” people together and expecting them to be whole is unlikely to work.
When each individual works on themselves instead, especially at both the conscious and unconscious level, they can yield quick, permanent, transformative results that would strengthen their relationship in wonderful new ways, and likely render couple counselling unnecessary.
In saying this, couple counselling can be helpful if there is a lack of communication or understanding. A skilled counsellor can provide an impartial third party element to bring about a deeper connection.
However, much of the time when we find ourselves in couple trouble, it’s because we are struggling with a number of personal issues. And this is when couple counselling is limited in its capacity to make a substantial difference.
Knowing when to seek individual over couple therapy can be tricky, so here’s a checklist to help you decide:
Underlying unresolved anxiety, for example, can generate huge pressure on a relationship. And it can only be resolved by the individual. A brilliantly positive effect can result, not just for the individual, but for the relationship. When each party resolves their own personal issues, this can transform a relationship instantly and permanently, generating a whole new trajectory for the future.
Unresolved trauma, insecurities or childhood and family of origin issues can create unnecessary discord in a relationship. These issues would need to be addressed individually. And the benefits can transform the lives of the individual, which has a wonderful spillover impact on the relationship. Breaking down these invisible barriers can open up a world of opportunity in partnerships.
Finding ways to manage work stress or navigate through dysfunctional relationships outside of the partnership can also help couples enormously. When the individual develops the strength and confidence to manage surrounding family, friends and colleagues, the relationship is often greatly strengthened. It’s simple really, the couple is no longer burdened to the same degree by outside emotional, or even practical, pressures.
We can fall into a “glass half empty” pattern of thinking, be plagued by self-doubt, or find ourselves overtaken by a victim/blame mentality. This often results in feeling unmotivated or unexcited about life. We find ourselves consumed by a sense of the mundane - like being trapped in groundhog day. These kinds of issues often mask a deep-seated underlying block which we are often consciously unaware of.
Unwanted thinking and feeling can only be addressed at an individual level, and when they are the results can have a magnificent flow-on effect, for the entire family.
Many couples have reported that their counselling sessions go over old lingering issues rather than encouraging new points of view, otherwise known as transformation.
A good counsellor will know how to navigate you into your solution. Remember, what we focus on grows. So, if we go around and around in circles focusing on problems, we will grow our problems and in doing so will feel worse, not better.
So, if you find yourself going over and over the problems through therapy, it would be wise to look elsewhere.
If we were to remember everything that happened to us consciously, we would be overloaded to the point of madness. That is why we have an unconscious mind. Our unconscious mind knows everything that’s happened to us, what’s blocked us, and it also knows how to fix these blocks.
Additionally, the unconscious mind does not distort reality as the conscious mind does. For this reason, many issues cannot be resolved consciously – we don’t even know what they are consciously. And for this reason, talking about problems at a conscious level, simply will not work.
When you have tried to resolve an issue consciously through counselling, and you have not succeeded, it’s likely your issue is an unconscious one that needs to be addressed at that level.
Inexplicable or what feels like compulsive unwanted thinking or feelings commonly evolve out of unresolved unconscious blocks. And it is impossible for us to cognitively (or consciously) know what they are. When we unblock or clear such negativity unconsciously, with the support of a practitioner trained in unconscious processes, we literally transform ourselves – often literally in minutes. In doing so, we can transform our life instantly and permanently, transforming all our relationships in the process.
For those who simply want to enhance their relationship and their lives, individual couple therapy can catapult them in the direction of their dreams. Together they can then overcome life’s inevitable hurdles and challenges with ease, supporting one another along at a totally new level.
What one couple had to say:HER: “I'm in control of my body and mind. I feel so much more alive and positive. I'm aware of the negative noise in my mind and have learnt how to ignore it.”HIM: “I can handle my anxious feelings so much better than before, and also have self-control. I am happy and feel great.”
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